What Is Self-Care, Really?

Self-care is doing what helps you stay well—not just what helps you feel better fast.

It is an intentional set of actions we take to maintain and improve our psychological, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. Simply put, self-care is how we tend to our needs and refill our tanks so we don’t run ourselves empty.

Self-care helps us develop and maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves—one where we listen, respond, and refuse to abandon our own needs.

As Michelle Obama reminds us:

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to-do’ list.” This statement captures the heart of self-care. Too often, we place ourselves at the bottom of our lists—after work, family, ministry, caregiving, and everyone else’s needs.

For us, self-care often looks like:

• tending to our emotions instead of pushing them down

• listening to our bodies instead of ignoring the warning signs

• staying connected to God, our ancestors, or our spiritual practices

• leaning on community instead of carrying everything alone

Many of us believe self-care is only needed when we feel stressed, burned out, overextended, undervalued, or overused. But by the time we reach that point, self-care has become emergency care—a response to routine self-abandonment. This is what happens when we ignore our bodies, swallow our emotions, and keep giving away what we need to sustain ourselves.

Self-care is most impactful when it becomes an intentional and regular part of how we care for ourselves, not something we reach for only when we are already depleted.

A simple way to check in with yourself is to ask: Will this help me feel steadier and healthier later—or is it just distracting me right now? If it helps you feel more grounded over time, it’s self-care. If it only helps you escape for a moment, it’s coping—not care.

It’s also important to be clear about what self-care is not. Self-care is not automatically spa days, mani-pedis, or other beautifying activities. In general, those are self-maintenance. They can become self-care—but only when they are done with intention and truly bring peace, grounding, and restoration.

So sis, that means putting your phone on Do Not Disturb while you’re in the stylist’s chair. It means leaving the laptop in the car instead of checking emails under the dryer. It means not taking Zoom calls while soaking your feet during a pedicure. It’s not the activity itself that matters—it’s whether you are setting boundaries, listening to your body, and being fully present.

So What Is Self-Care Really About?

At its core, self-care is about checking in with yourself—honestly and regularly. It’s about asking your body:

• Am I healthy right now?

• Am I sick, exhausted, or running on empty?

• What have I been pushing through that needs attention?

Self-care requires listening to your body instead of overriding it. Fatigue, tension, headaches, low energy, and irritability are not weaknesses—they are signals.

Self-care is also about sitting with your emotions and making room to process them, rather than rushing to silence them. It means allowing yourself to feel sadness, anger, grief, joy, or confusion without judgment or performance. When emotions are ignored, they don’t disappear—they settle in the body.

Self-care invites you to explore your interests, not just your responsibilities. What brings you curiosity? What makes you feel alive, creative, or connected? Interests are not distractions—they are information about what nourishes you.

Self-care also asks you to determine what kind of rest you actually need:

• Do you need mental rest—a break from constant thinking, noise, or decision-making?

• Do you need physical rest—sleep, stillness, or a slower pace?

• Do you need emotional rest—space from caretaking, explaining, or holding everything together?

And self-care is about taking care of your spirit. That means checking in spiritually and asking:

• Do I need to meditate to quiet my mind?

• Do I need to read or study to strengthen my understanding of my faith or belief system?

• Do I need to pray, reflect, or commune with God?

Spiritual self-care is not about doing things perfectly or following rules. It’s about staying connected—to God, to your ancestors, to your values, and to the parts of you that need grounding and meaning.

Self-care isn’t about doing more. It’s about listening more closely.

Self-care is the practice of paying attention—to your body, your emotions, your needs, and your spirit—and responding with care instead of neglect.

Reflection: Bringing Self-Care Into Your Life

Take a moment to reflect honestly:

• What does self-care mean to you right now? Beyond appearance or productivity, what actually supports your well-being?

• How do you know when you need self-care? What signals does your body send? What emotional signs show up when you’ve been pushing too long?

• What usually gets in the way of caring for yourself? Time, guilt, money, expectations, or fear of disappointing others?

• How can you make self-care a regular part of your life—not just something you reach for in crisis? What is one small, realistic change you could commit to this week?

A Gentle Reminder

Self-care doesn’t have to be big or fancy. It just has to be honest, consistent, and rooted in your needs.

You don’t have to wait until you’re exhausted to take care of yourself.

Dr. LaShawnda Lindsay